WEIGHT: 64 kg
Sex services: Massage prostate, Naturism/Nudism, Striptease, Extreme, Moresomes
Thanks for connecting! You're almost done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. As paid sex goes, a trip to the massage parlor sounds classier than hiring a hooker. But that's like saying coprophagia sounds like a classier bathroom activity than taking a shower -- entirely accurate, until you learn what it really means. Pop culture had convinced us that all masseuses are Jennifer Love Hewitts whose only worry is which male model to jack off before marrying.
But then we talked to "Amy," who worked in a parlor in Montreal, and she told us the sticky truth If you search for a video of a woman giving a man a massage, it's going to play out the same way 90 percent of the time: She slowly rubs down the client with oil, things steadily getting hotter until the pair are nothing but a tangle of naked, glistening limbs. Well, the prevalence of this genre of porn is setting people up for a huge disappointment if they ever get a real-life massage, even if it is an erotic one.
If you have this kind of "massage" parlor in your neighborhood -- the kind where they massage the client's boner -- you might see real beds instead of the standard massage tables. But more often than not, they have to keep up the illusion with the regulation equipment.
It's hard enough with any customer, and it's extra tricky with the chunky ones. Tetris , the long bar comes when you least expect it, and lands in the worst possible place. And that's if she manages to stay on the table at all. One time, "the client was paying for a BJ but was very insistent on seeing my ass. It turns out that blowjobs also tend to give masseuses lockjaw when the table forces them into uncomfortable poses. We tried to read up some more on this topic, but that led us to Cosmo and we had to flee, screaming.
Cosmopolitan Something Cosmo is very, very good at making us do. The aforementioned porn videos invariably focus on the sensual application of oil. That's because oil brings to mind the body's own fluids, and it shows off the actors' bodies, and it winds up as lube once the boning commences. But though Amy's massage parlor had huge massage oil bottles in each room, the oil never found its onto customers' crotchular regions.